For you...

So many thoughts running in my head…..
I always loved you, I still do, but I can’t
Help to hate myself for hurting you. I’m not
Very good with showing myself…never have.
So this is why I'm writing to you. I realize now I haven’t
Written in a long time…
Not a thought in my head has been put on
Paper, written with pen….yet, here I am.
I can’t sleep. I feel so lost. I feel alone without you lying
Here next to me…..

12:03 am…
And here I am, still writing to you.
Writing you something ill never send. Writing to you
The thoughts in my head. I can’t seem to express myself
Any other way. Fact is,i'm afraid. I pushed you away
Promised a thousand words…Broke a thousand and Ten

12:06 am…
I cant see my paper… cant hear my thoughts any longer...
I listen to my thoughts to much…
I should have listened to my heart….
So many excuses I have made for what??
Nothing all I did was break your heart.
I know its my fault…yet I hurt so bad.
I have not been rejected…but it felt as if it was a no…
God, if it hurts this bad…I cant imagine what you must have
Felt. Maybe im just being silly…hell I feel silly… I mean
After all im the one who ran away. I thought all my feeling
Were gone. Then I saw you on Valentines Day. Who knew id
Fall for you all over again…All it took was a look, a kiss…
Damn…im crazy…Im not suppose to feel this way.
We are suppose to be just friends...yet here I am
12:12 am writing the longest poem that has ever flown from
My pen.

I cant undo the mistakes ive made. I cant say that I don’t feel afraid.
Hell love scares the shit out of me…But here I am. Im willing to stay,
Willing to change. Ha…words I thought id never say. But I will, because I
Plan on falling in love with you, and when I do I want to be able to give you
My all, not be afraid, not run away

12:18 am
No more thoughts in my head to flow from my pen…
I have crossed out many lines, rewritten words twice
Im still not satisfied but this is how I feel, every word,
Every line…
Now maybe ill be able to sleep, sleep
And dream of what we will be.