First and Ten

4 Comments

Poem Commentary

This is something I have never tried before. And wrote it as an expirement one night. For some reason I decided to write a duet, and I'll never know why. I think it works a little better in a fast pace. Kind of reminds me of a country song. Hope you enjoy the humour. I used two different fonts to try and distinguish between the man and woman.

First and Ten

I first seen you across the bar,
Thinking how can i get her back to my car.
As I sat there rehearsing every line in the book.

And I seen you, just sitting there,
Giving me that awkward stare,
Thinking to myself, oh lord whats gonna transpire.

So I got another shot of liquid courage,
sucked in my breath to hide my luggage,
And shuffled on over to you.

And I sat there, listening to you struggle,
Asking if you wanted to huddle,
Come back later, and try that play again?

And I said no! the play ain't dead!
Let's start again from first and ten.
I'm going for the touchdown this time, my friend.

And I screamed like hell you are!
This games over, I'm headed to the car,
And don't you get within that fifty yard line.

And I realised to myself,
cursed my self, and cursed my life.
Thats the night that I got drunk
and tried to pick up on my own wife!

And you chased me into the night,
Said that I should come back inside,
And I said that you should go to hell.

And I said baby I was only jokin',
You just looked so good that i was hopin',
That I could have the pleasure of falling in love with you again!

So I said hunny, you wont make the team,
You should play left back... If you know what I mean,
Left back, right there in the locker room.

And I said fine I'll show you,
I'll go get me a cheerleader or two.
Show you I ain't no slacker I will.

So I said slacker.. I had your line backer
And I think his name was Phil?
And Barry, and Larry and Bill and Clark.

And I said, wow you get around.
Leave it to you to draw the crowd...
And since you're admitting this little mixer,
By the way I had your sister..
And right about then is when everything got dark

Poem Comments

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topper commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

Nice work, I felt that you have done well. I liked this and it made me laugh. Thank youfor that. The whole point that your wife is who your trying to pick up is very thoughtful and the analogy to a football field is original, I feel. I also like the idea of this being a duet.--Topper

GURL commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

OH TIS IS FUNNY INDEED I LIKED IT.. AND I LIKED THE FACT THAT U MADE MORE INTERESTING BY DISTINGUSIHING THE TWO IN UR DUET..LOL GURL

DragonAngel commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

way crazy but it had me rotflmao bro great one bud heheheheh i have heard it all now lol the sister part is fersure the reason it got dark lmao

If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

Griff’s Poems (6)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Piece by Piece 1
First and Ten 4
Heroes 0
I Hold You In My Arms 1
Nobody 0
Unplugged. 3