First and Ten

4 Comments

Poem Commentary

This is something I have never tried before. And wrote it as an expirement one night. For some reason I decided to write a duet, and I'll never know why. I think it works a little better in a fast pace. Kind of reminds me of a country song. Hope you enjoy the humour. I used two different fonts to try and distinguish between the man and woman.

First and Ten

I first seen you across the bar,
Thinking how can i get her back to my car.
As I sat there rehearsing every line in the book.

And I seen you, just sitting there,
Giving me that awkward stare,
Thinking to myself, oh lord whats gonna transpire.

So I got another shot of liquid courage,
sucked in my breath to hide my luggage,
And shuffled on over to you.

And I sat there, listening to you struggle,
Asking if you wanted to huddle,
Come back later, and try that play again?

And I said no! the play ain't dead!
Let's start again from first and ten.
I'm going for the touchdown this time, my friend.

And I screamed like hell you are!
This games over, I'm headed to the car,
And don't you get within that fifty yard line.

And I realised to myself,
cursed my self, and cursed my life.
Thats the night that I got drunk
and tried to pick up on my own wife!

And you chased me into the night,
Said that I should come back inside,
And I said that you should go to hell.

And I said baby I was only jokin',
You just looked so good that i was hopin',
That I could have the pleasure of falling in love with you again!

So I said hunny, you wont make the team,
You should play left back... If you know what I mean,
Left back, right there in the locker room.

And I said fine I'll show you,
I'll go get me a cheerleader or two.
Show you I ain't no slacker I will.

So I said slacker.. I had your line backer
And I think his name was Phil?
And Barry, and Larry and Bill and Clark.

And I said, wow you get around.
Leave it to you to draw the crowd...
And since you're admitting this little mixer,
By the way I had your sister..
And right about then is when everything got dark

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topper commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

Nice work, I felt that you have done well. I liked this and it made me laugh. Thank youfor that. The whole point that your wife is who your trying to pick up is very thoughtful and the analogy to a football field is original, I feel. I also like the idea of this being a duet.--Topper

GURL commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

OH TIS IS FUNNY INDEED I LIKED IT.. AND I LIKED THE FACT THAT U MADE MORE INTERESTING BY DISTINGUSIHING THE TWO IN UR DUET..LOL GURL

DragonAngel commented on First and Ten

06-07-2009

way crazy but it had me rotflmao bro great one bud heheheheh i have heard it all now lol the sister part is fersure the reason it got dark lmao

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

Griff’s Poems (6)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Piece by Piece 1
First and Ten 4
Heroes 0
I Hold You In My Arms 1
Nobody 0
Unplugged. 3