EMPTY

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    EMPTY
    EMPTY HEART
    LOTS OF PAIN
    EMPTY FEELINGS
    KNOW NO SHAME
    EMPTY THOUGHTS
    NEED NO TIME TO THINK
    EMPTY LOVE MAKEING
    NOTHING BUT FUCKING

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    debskatz commented on EMPTY

    02-23-2009

    Hi BABYDOLLELIZ, You don't need to have it in all caps. That doesn't do anything for it. And changing the rhyme scheme, particularly in this short a poem, is just not good. You've misspelled making. But I also just don't get the feeling of emptiness from it. And the empty feelings know no shame, I don't understand. I think this poem would do better if you made it longer & expanded on the theme. Why do empty feelings know no shame? Poems are always best when you Show something,
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    Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

    Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

    BABYDOLLELIZ’s Poems (2)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    DEAR MOTHER 0 02/16/2009
    EMPTY 1 02/16/2009
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