C H O S E

I’m in so much PAIN

The type of that Dominates your entire being!

Right now it has me in the Bowls of HELL!

I can’t sleep!

Don’t even think about thinking!

My mind is racing!

What do I DO!

I’m in a place most can’t get to!

What fuels this RAGE!

What makes you want to continue?

It has me at a CROSS ROAD!

I’m trying to get out of its tense grip!

Do I stay this course or choose Quality of life!

The more I think the more I sink!

It’s now 2:00 in the morning & I’m up at 4.

What do I DO! (Pain speaking CHOSE)

OK take, a deep breath to gather my racing thoughts. (Letting the do what it do)

I could hear the words of my mother and what she would always tell us. God would not bring you this far to leave you this way.

It’s now 4:00 and time for me to get up and get ready for work, 8 hours, and no sleep day before worked through pain.

My body is now SHOUTING at my mind what the HELL are you doing! My mind said you can, but my body said I can’t! (CHOSE)

Rolling on to my right side, because I can’t use the left side of my body, walking on the balls of my feet, because walking flat foot is not an option. Making my way into the shower and trying to figure out how to let the water hit me on the right and not the left or can I endure more pain. (You still have time to CHOSE)

I have to get dressed and take Lexus to school. I don’t want her to see me like this.

I feel single mothers think it’s a sign of weakness to let our children see how vulnerable we are, but I knew she could see it by the way I walked and by the tone in my voice and at this point when the pain is this bad I can only muster up a whisper!

C H O S E! I drove Lex to school only using my right arm sometime only my fingers. It was like an epic war going on between my mind & body. One gaining the advantage then the other that went on for eight hours that day!

And with a boss that I did not get along with at a job I loved, but it was not doing me any good, therefore I made my choice.

I CHOSE ME