18 with a shattered ego
Nights filled with empty bottles
and words that are so cold…
I feel the floor beneath me
begin to fold….
Looking back
on all the nights I spent….
with my face pressed into my bed….
thoughts of screams
and that day….
running through my head……
I shut my eyes,
and try to fall asleep.
But the screaming
seems to keep….
me awake….
I can see my breath
and I begin to shake.
It takes me back….
to that day…….
Hands around my throat,
and I’m on the ground….
I try to scream
but I can’t make a sound.
With tears streaming down my face….
my heart begins
to race.
I try so hard
to get him off…
I can’t breathe…
and I start to cough.
The light slowly fades…
I’m seeing different colors and different shades…
it’s getting darker
with every squeeze…
I’m hoping
that his grip will start to ease.
The bruises on my ego
tell the story all too well….
what’s supposed to be a home
is more like a hell.
I remember asking myself,
will he ever stop?
Will this pain ever go away?
I toss and turn
every night
thinking of that day.
Nights filled with empty bottles
and words that are so cold…
I feel the floor beneath me
begin to fold….
Looking back
on all the nights I spent….
with my face pressed into my bed….
thoughts of screams
and that day….
running through my head……
And now I know what it’s like moving from to friend….I wonder if this will ever end.
I try so hard
to be strong enough
to make it through…
but sometimes
I don’t know what to do.
Walking alone
with a bag over my shoulder…
it seemed as though
those nights would only get colder.
Wanting so bad
to just sleep in my own bed….
thinking over and over
about what was said…
“You’re old enough
to make it on your own….
get out…
goodbye….
this is no longer your home.”
Those words that were
like daggers in my chest….
I was never good enough
even at my best.
Walking empty streets,
looking for a place to stay.
I could barely breathe…
just…like…that…day.
Nights filled with empty bottles
and words that are so cold…
I feel the floor beneath me
begin to fold….
Looking back
on all the nights I spent….
with my face pressed into my bed….
thoughts of screams
and that day….
running through my head……
The alcohol
takes full control
how can one person
be so cold?
I bite my tongue
and don’t say a word…
he even calls me names I’ve never heard.
I stay away from home
as much as I can….
out there learning on my own….
how to be a man.
What he’s done,
he doesn’t even regret…
and I know
that I can never forget….
his hands around my throat
and my face against the floor….
But I don’t wanna
think about that day anymore.
And there’s this little fire in my heart….
that keeps me warm…
and keeps me
from falling apart.
This fire gives me hope each and every day…in each and every way…..
This fire…proves to me that there’s still love in this world….this fire…is this special girl.
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