Searching into lost memories

    Gone on a road wich I can't come back..only looking forward and play mode..The sun guides my steps even at night when i'm trying and searching for a new way of lie, because what i've tryed to do by now, doesn't provide for me a way of living. No matter how much i try to learn there are always others who step out more then i do..in a way it's a thing that hurts me, and it doesn't have any thing to do with hating, it's more o an admiring thing, sometimes from far out, sometimes from close..and it depends on the situation how well i can understand this thing or how others look on it..it's something like everyone had someone to admire from the past or from videos/movies..it's not a verry big difference now days..just the length, and in a video is more of a rush of the ideeas of the subject wich mostly it's all about love...that's how we humans are...suckers for that.
    It seems to sets us free at the same time alination of the heart/soul wich seems to tend or someone to get along, depending on the compatibility..And no matter how much we loose at it...we like to think we can still play it...right, or different, it's a thing i've learn from extasy a drug who seems to bring out more the loving side, from everyone who takes it. I suffered more on this subject and i like to consider it close, on different reassons wich ain't worthy of trying to explain...it's like a poem with no ending..when actually it is only a headache, after..wich you get there hard anyway..Mourning about this type of life, only got me away from other things  i carred about most, without a doubt, but i like to consider this thing helped me on a tough period wich seems to lead me no where, so at the times it was ok...i liked it.
   Been mostly scarred about the wy others were looking and thinking, beeing in the situation o not beeing able to explane the state more then just feeling it, so this thing depends verry much on the group or the personality.
    So don't get me wrong if this doesn't soun like a poem, but these are things youngs should be talking about, not holding inside of the parents and running scarred of others society rulles. Many break-ups, and many losses we are all suffering, and not only that we don't seem to understand, not that we're afraid of letting go, not about stepping up...it's tat just we are afraid to discover..so we let it go thinking it's ok. Day and night..like I once was thinking, every day it's forever, but just tonight it's for real.