On The Day My Grandfather Died

By LaNita Cannada-Hickman

On the day my grandfather died

the sun shown bright

and it was cold outside

Christmas lights were up

and Nativity scenes decorated

a couple of front lawns

the joy of the season

was in the air

Still I went to work

trying to fulfill

financial obligations

personal goals

interacting and smiling

as if I was okay

all the while trying

to grasp some degree

of normalcy in my life

when outside the domain

of my inner circle of

associates and friends

I and my family

were in a trance like state

from the unexpected

circumstances of my

grandfather’s impending fate

In my head

I tried selfishly

to think of a prayer

to ask god

to let him stay

but I was not aware

that on this day

god already had

something greater

in store for him

On the day my grandfather died

my mundane and monotonous

day at work

got interrupted

and my mother and aunt

came to call

there was an emergency

at the hospital they said

afraid I nervously

got up from my desk and left

with them for our

long ride of dread

In the car

I stared at nothing

we all rode in silence

my mother and aunt

chained smoked

each in their own thoughts

as we arrived

my dad met us

I don’t remember

how my sister got there

I do remember the air

heavy as if I was

suffocating too 

I was holding my breath

without realizing it

We entered the hospital

corridors together

each of us making

small talk

one of us

ask the hospital

attendant for directions

to my grandfather’s room

detached I floated to his

doorway

to my surprise

there sat my grandfather

on the edge

of his bed

eating persimmons

that my dad’s sister

brought from California

in his room we all gathered

and watched, as my grandfather ate

he was having a picnic

reminiscent of his childhood delights

I smiled at him

I was happy to see

him eating again

he was not dying

and things weren’t

that serious as we

all had imagined

this thing could not be

“Lung Cancer”

perhaps the doctors

were wrong

we all were excited

and talked about a

whole lot of nothing

together

we were all trying to

make my grandfather

comfortable and

he talked to us all

while eating his fruit

eventually

my dad left the room

to get coffee or to think

he did not come back

for a while

my mother and sister

went for a snack or a smoke

break or something

my aunt went to the

nurse’s station to talk

to the doctor

We both are left alone

my grandfather and me

with a gentle hum in the room

from some hospital machinery

I looked at my grandfather

who seemed pretty relaxed

as he leaned back on the pillow

and asked him

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

He replied, “Give me longevity”.

He smiled a tired smile.

And my reply sadly was,

“Grandpa you know I can’t give you that.”

then we both were silent

A minute, an eternity

Soon after, one by one they all would

return to my grandfather’s room

each to their respective posts

their private thoughts occupy

them briefly

my grandfather tries to talk

a little, then he must rest

visiting hours were coming

to a close

we all gathered our things

each of us kissed my grandfather

his cheeks brown and withered

were incased by an oxygen mask

he tries to smile

we tell him

we will be back

first thing in the morning

and we all took our time

leaving his room

saying our goodbyes

Our last goodbye

Once outside of the hospital

rushing to leave

to go home and take off our

clothes

shed our problems

rushing to eat, or smoke

or grab a cold one

We all felt the chill of the night air

in the moments that followed as we left

his life would end

shortly after our departure

before we even made it home

the world continued to turn on it’s axis

life continued to go on

and I cried

All this happened

On the day my grandfather died