Nature

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  • Nature

    Nature

         Nature is the summer sun that rises across the waters of the bay. It brightens up the morning day. It is born in spring as a fawn or wildflowers that bloom and play.


        Nature is storms of rain,snow,wind and lightning that touch us in many ways,through joy or pain.


        Nature is the mountains that touch the sky, through eagles we soar and fly. It is the rivers that flow over, the land,toward the sea as they stretch out their hands.


        Nature is everywhere, all around, if one would look it could easily be found.

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    linlee commented on Nature

    06-15-2009

    Hi, BlueHeron48. I'm wondering why you have no comments yet. Is this poem new here? Either it's new or no one knows what to say about it. I have some thoughts that I hope will be helpful for you. You are telling and not showing, if you know what that means. You are saying very basic things about nature. The poem needs more oomph. That third stanza, however, is starting to show improvement by giving the river hands that reach over the land to the sea. That is very nice, but the punctuation is confusing. First of all, I think you should separate the mountains and eages into a separate thought and isolate the reaching rivers. Take out all the commas if you're not too attached to them, because they're not grammatically correct. In fact, this statement is so much more interesting than the rest of it that I would suggest making a poem out of just this, and then work on the rest of this poem as a separate entity. You could continue with the imagery and maybe mention the fingers pulling the river along around corners, mountains, or whatever, perhaps mention trees reaching over the river to hold hands, and other nature-related things that are common to the river. If not that, perhaps comparing the clouds or part of the sky to something else that is nice for you and overlooks the progress of that river. You hit on something very good with this. The rest of the poem should be another project to finish working on later, but I think you would like what you would be creating by making a whole new poem out of this stanza. Oh, and stay away from the rhyming for now, too, so that you have full freedom of expression rich with interesting and fresh new imagery and without having to try to make things fit in a mold. Keep finding those fresh new thoughts and sift through your ideas for those wonderful nuggets of gold, BlueHeron48. Take what you can use of my opinion and ignore the rest. My best to you. linlee
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    Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.

    Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher.

    BlueHeron48’s Poems (1)

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    Nature 1 06/15/2009
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