That day when i looked down at that four inch board i was walking on,
that was at the top of our fence that encompassed our back yard.
it surrounded my house when i was so much younger.
i was thinking of something my Mom said to me a short while before..
Mom said life was like walking on the top of that fence .
telling me that good & evil, positive & negative, even your ups& downs(emotions)
were all the same. See.. she was saying that you live your life
through uncontrollable forces.
each pulling at you at the same time from all sides.
and that it was our choice or not ,to experience these
if i did choose to follow on a path .
a new set of uncontrollable forces would take the place of the old ones.
and Mom said if i didn't like where the path was going ...
that it was almost impossible if i went to far.
to travel back along that path and find those old forces(choices) there still waiting .
she told me that i had to learn to balance because you can really feel those pull at you
when your up on top of the fence , for one wrong step could mean you fall hard .
i have to learn to chose my steps carefully she said.
and feel all around ,you will know the next step to be the right one then.
when the step after that one is easy er, stop and feel for the next .
so i learned to run on the top of that fence clear down the block
going from neighbours fence to the next and so on.
i felt those pulling feelings for a very long time and learned to ignore them eventually.
i didn't stop and feel them like she said though.
instead i put up an invisible shield around me so if i fell i wouldn't get hurt.
what i lost back then was to truly feel life...
gee i wish she was here still i could tell her that Ive made it back
along that fence i started running on so many years ago.
she was right things have changed .
but i finally think I'm starting on the right path again.
thanks for the advice Mom from your seven year old boy (man)