I guess it wasn't enough

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I wrote this poem to commemorate the loss of my best friend.  She did text me to say she had enough; she wanted to move on.  I was devastated and facing being fired the same week as well.  She hasn't even called or sent a text to see if I am ok.  It is painful.  I did make mistakes; I tried to learn to be a good friend.  It just wasn't enough

I guess it wasn't enough

It isn't as though I didn't try..

I tried listening,
 I heard your cries and I heard your laughter.
 I heard your trials and rejoiced in your victories.
 I listened with the heart of a child, and the soul of a 
 friend.

I tried seeing,
 I watched sunsets by the beach, wondering about the 
 beauty of a true friend.
 I saw the pain in your eyes, even when you hid it.
 I saw the love in your heart when you fell in love.
 I saw the tears in your eyes when life left you alone.

I tried changing,
 I tried being more of a friend than I was,
 I tried quieting my own fears to hear yours.
 I tried consoling you instead of me.
 I tried being the redwood in the midst of your fern 
 garden of friends.
 I tried quieting my own emotional demons to suit you.

But alas, it wasn't enough.
 I was not good enough.
 I was too much of a jerk.
 I was too much trouble, my moods were to unbalanced.
 My medicine wasn't enough to keep you as my friend.
 It was all in vain, I was just not enough.
 So you said you had enough; no calls, no coffee.  Just 
  a text message.  That was all our 10 year friendship
  meant.

So I tried but I failed.  I lost, you I guess gained.
The tears have long since dried, the pain has being numbed, and the heart... well it will heal.  But I will never be a friend like the friend I tried to be with you. 

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Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

CARMEN9234’s Poems (1)

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I guess it wasn't enough 0