Embers

5 Comments

Tags:
  • Love
    • ,
  • Sadness
    • ,
  • Truth
    • ,
  • Regret

    Embers
    My eyes rest upon you -
    all bone china and gossamer,
    skin breaking beneath the weight of 
    a single eyelash.
    I strain to remember how to escape
    the fragility of your pale frame.
    Some instinct remains, an errant memory
    Instigating a faint gesture.
    Ghosts flutter past your eyes
    before stuttering out.
    A banal smile
    fixed upon the ashes.
    The sweet stench of decay clings to our sheets
    Trying to contain our breath,
    Lurching towards drowning 
    in the stagnant pool we created.
    My eyes rest upon you -
    all bone china and gossamer,
    skin breaking beneath the weight of 
    a single eyelash.
    I strain to remember how to escape
    the fragility of your pale frame.
    Some instinct remains, an errant memory
    Instigating a faint gesture.
    Ghosts flutter past your eyes
    before stuttering out.
    A banal smile
    fixed upon the ashes.
    The sweet stench of decay clings to our sheets
    Trying to contain our breath,
    Lurching towards drowning 
    in the stagnant pool we created.

    Poem Comments

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    MootPoint commented on Embers

    05-07-2013

    Interesting write. It seems a little scattered, but that might be what is appealing to some people. Instead of "all" bone china and gossamer, how about "of" bone china and gossamer? There are some contradictions I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around. Let me say I am no expert, just trying to give my honest opinion, which I would like others to do the same for me. I can tell you this write is unique and makes one think. thx
    Reply to Comment

    Lasmuigh

    05/07/2013

    "All bone china and gossamer" was actually an allusion to the idiom "all skin and bone", again to sort of underline how brittle the subject is. Good suggestion though! Yes, being a bit scattered was also on purpose - the flow is disruptive to the reader's eye until the last stanza. The speaker is able to think freely when contemplating the only certainty - the death of their relationship. Thank you for your comprehensive and honest feedback, I'll make sure to return the favour.

    blvdobd2009 commented on Embers

    05-07-2013

    Your heart is beautifully transparent, and open, and all that is exposed is raw heartache and longing.....just so wonderfully revealed...Great work
    Reply to Comment

    Lasmuigh

    05/07/2013

    Thanks! I'm glad it resonated with you.

    lorenzo commented on Embers

    05-06-2013

    achingly beautiful................................................
    Reply to Comment

    Lasmuigh

    05/06/2013

    Thank you :)

    Tarin16 commented on Embers

    05-05-2013

    "skin breaking beneath the weight of a single eyelash.".......Work of ART.....! ~TaRiN16*
    Reply to Comment

    Lasmuigh

    05/06/2013

    Thank you!

    Phission commented on Embers

    05-05-2013

    such a beautifully penned and personal account that holds the reader, guides him over and through the words so raw. I love it. you have a gift !
    Reply to Comment

    Lasmuigh

    05/05/2013

    Thank you so much! It was nerve wracking putting poetry up here, so it means a lot to get some feedback.

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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