The systematic decline of my emotion for those that cannot appreciate what it is that i have to offer, is grown faster then i can ever control. As the skin of who i thought you were, melts away and leaves behind a new being that i cannot define. However the forcefulness in the absence of your former self in my life, has transformed me into a more aware creature, unable to believe the needs that you spit at me. These momentary glimmers of hope for us, fall away just as easily as the facade that i had believed and worshiped. When did i lose myself, who i was, and why i was, why are your needs so much more important, why do you set the rules. Then i see the answer i allow it, i make it that way, i give you that power, that control, that self centered unwavering grasp that you hold me with, i now see is just as weak as your ability to not try. The love like my unending need to please you or make you happy has died on the vine. Rotten and sour is the taste that it has left in my mouth. Maybe it was all a lie that we wrapped ourselves in like a blanket to keep us warm from the harsh reality of loneliness. My mind drowns in the abyss of all the memories, it struggles to reach the surface and have an instant of gratification. My heart seizes, it cries for your touch, it longs to feel you and pushes for something in return.
My body collapses from the heavy weight of emotion, my arms unable to reach out to you, my legs unable to stand strong and hold the weight of us both, my chest heaves and struggles to take in air, i have suffocated myself in hope and desire. I have become weak and and fragile, my dreams shattered, i sweep them up and rebuild. With each new dawn i feel myself open more, the door i had closed is pushed open with the hope of a new day. I WILL NOT RETREAT, I WILL NOT LET MYSELF DIE ON THE VINE, I HAVE TO MUCH TO GIVE AND TO MUCH TO ACHIEVE; TO LET MYSELF BE CONQUERED BY MY OWN FAILURE. I AM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE.